Passion: Love or Lust?
In the wake of the new Twilight movie, and several of today’s movie’s in fact, I started thinking about how relationships are being portrayed to our society. More and more often I’m finding characters who instead of growing to love each other, immediately feel this dying need to be with their beloved. For better or for worse.
The newest Twilight, Breaking Dawn, is the conclusion of the girl/vampire love story. Since the very beginning they have felt some desire, some constant need to be close to each other, but there’s no explanation behind it. Unless you count “your my own personal brand of heroin” a reason. But heroin is bad for you, it kills you, and that’s what their love does, time and time again. In the four books (five movies), we will see each of the main characters attempt to end their life in their quest for perfection. Bella herself almost dies 3 times, and the last time was probably totally preventable (birth control anyone?). In this last installment we see her waste away as her daemon of a baby eats away at her. And while her love is fighting for her life her best idea is “you can still have a piece of me.” What is that? I understand love is about making sacrifices, but sacrificing your life isn’t one of them. That’s a Catholic notion that the baby is better than the mother and if you have the choice to save one you save the mother. That’s insanity. And doesn’t Bella know Edward will just try to kill himself again, like last time? Then your baby is an orphan. Great plan.
But I digress. I’ve noticed how many movies coming out recently involve two characters so much in love that they make sacrifices to continue their existence together. Like Crazy and The Adjustment Bureau both feature main characters who, after meeting, feel they cannot be separated. What is that they binds them so close so quickly? Is it love or is it lust? Maybe it’s just the fact that I’ve never been with a person I feel the need to spend every waking moment with. Maybe once I find that person I’ll realize all these writers weren’t crazy to depict it this way. But probably not. In all these stories of love at first sight and passionate desire ever notice how often the main characters almost die? Of course maybe it’s because these girls keep falling in love with supernatural creatures. True Blood anyone, The Vampire Diaries?
What are we teaching our daughters and sisters with these stories? That if you don’t feel an immediate connection with someone than he’s probably not your one true love? That once you find that one person you won’t have to worry, he’ll die to protect you, to make sure you’re happy. Who wants to have a relationship where your one constant thought is “I’m not good enough, they’re too good for me, eventually they’ll figure that out and leave?” How does that make anyone happy? Are we just filling our heads with impossible notions, what will this do to future generations? Will the marriage age rise and rise until everyone just settles with the person they happen to be with at that time? Or will we see kids getting married younger and younger because they just know that the person they’re with is their end all be all, only to figure out their underlying differences years later, shooting up the divorce rate again?
I long for the days when the stories were more honest about love. Pride and Prejudice, Emma, When Harry Met Sally, You’ve Got Mail. And for the guys out there, even in The Matrix it took Neo and Trinity some time to figure it out. All these stories depict the two lovers coming to the gradual understanding that they love this person they’ve spent most of their time fighting with. There’s still a passion, but instead of being an immediate bright flame, it smolders for a while, growing stronger. And in most of these the main characters grow to be friends, then lovers. Isn’t that the advice we’re always getting, marry your best friend? In the long run, which of these two relationships do you think is going to last? I vote Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy will have a longer, happier marriage than Bella and Edward.
But I can’t help to consider what the population has to do with finding your “one.” In the days of Jane Austen there were less than 1 billion people in the world! Wouldn’t that automatically make your chances of finding your one true love much better? Having to sift through 500 million potentials seems much more probable than the daunting task of finding that one in 3.5 billion who is my perfect match in every way. I used to wonder why girls got married so young, or to people they’d only been courting for a few months, but looking at the numbers it make so much more sense. It is completely probable that given geographic location and family standing the person you settled down with 200 years ago was your one true love.
I’m not looking for anything right now, but when I find it I hope it’s the slow burning passion that will last a life time. Let the kids have their lust, I believe in love.
